847 Pages of Pure Perfection
Of course, they're blank.
But that's why we're here! You'll solve this in no time, right!?
Sample Covers from Our Successful Alumni
Well, actually, these covers were created by our students in that other course, "How to Write Your Worst Book Ever."
We don't actually have any graduates yet of the "Best Book Ever" because no one in their right mind would ever join such a ridiculous endeavor but as soon as we do, we'll get their covers up here, too!
Squirrel!
Susan de Vriend's masterpiece goes from one subject to the next without any care nor concern for the reader's challenges with Shiny Object Syndrome (SOS). If you struggle with SOS, grab this book, take aim, and kill all the squirrels!
If you're not familiar with the squirrels, you'll soon be infested with platoons of the pesky rodents as you pore over your pathetic prose.
Perfectionist Purgatory
Sarah Sienkiewicz's debut disaster dissects the dreadful dilemma of deferring our dreams due to that most dastardly of devils: perfectionism.
Sarah was recruited while she was a student of the "WBE" challenge and is now looking over BBE students' shoulders every second of their waking life just waiting to pounce on any poor performance towards perfection.
Oh, this sounds fun
Hey, this book is actually relevant to you, dear potential "Best Book Ever" student because this is exactly what it's going to be like forcing yourself to try to write only perfect prose, wait, how often? Constantly.
Josta has recently been hired full-time by BBE to make sure all students are suffering on a consistent basis.
Curriculum
I'd bet good money you don't get past part one.
- Pre-Launch Prep | You'll just need to sign this waiver releasing "BBE" from all future costs of counseling, psychological rehabilitation, and shock therapy.
- Stress | Before we get started, thinking about changing careers, maybe moving to another country, and giving up gluten, sugar, and dairy. Just so the pain of the course will be lessened. Go!
- Fear | If you aim for perfection and fail miserably, changes are good you'll never take another chance. On anything. So don't start just yet, mull it over for a few years first.
- Squirrel! Have you read Susan de Vriend's book "Kill All the Squirrels"? If you're looking for something else to do in order to not actually write, it's a terrible book!
- Edit | Are you kidding me? Edit? Even if you managed to get past Procrastination, we'll keep you stuck in the writing phase until your credit card runs out.
- OK, fine. Editing. Slowly read each sentence you wrote and compare your first draft with the bestseller from your favorite author. Use a red pen in the margins.
Before "BBE"
This is the visual of what you think the BBE course will be like.
So happy, carefree. Ah, the apples in the basket, the fall colors on the trees, the flowers.
Yeah, enjoy this feeling before you sign up.
After "BBE"
We have a full psychiatry team on staff to help you recover from the trauma of shooting for perfection and accepting nothing less.
Operators are also standing by to take your calls of desperation on our 24-hour hotline at 1-900-YOU-LOST.
Please note there will be a small $74 per minute fee for these calls, you'll see it on your phone bill in 6 months under "You Thought You'd Get Famous Quick LLC."
But hey, look on the bright side! Just like the overly happy woman above, at least you're still barefoot and have a book in your hands!
You Don't Need These
The challenges and courses below aren't for you. You're better than this.
Because "Best Book Ever" will make you famous overnight and you'll never have to work a day again, you can skip right down to the exorbitant payment plan for BBE.
